If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
