I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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