also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
