I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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