I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize