The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
