Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
