If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
