theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
