he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
