So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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