You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
