pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
