Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
