Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
