I'll bet she douches with gravy.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
