I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
