Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
