she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
