Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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