and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
