I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
