i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
