the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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