I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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