Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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