I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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