if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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