I didn't shave. On purpose
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
