3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
