i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
