I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
