I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
