just come out here and I will go home with you...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
