I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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