They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize