I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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