we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
