Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
