You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
