I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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