Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize