Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to calm my uterus...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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