We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
