dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
