The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
