Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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