Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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