Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
