he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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