I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
