ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
