At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
