there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
