I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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