i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
