Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
