AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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