Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Congratulations! We have a period
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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