Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize