I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
