3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
