Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
