Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
