I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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