And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
