I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
