Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
