He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
