the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
