Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
