Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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