Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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