Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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