I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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