I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
