its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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