Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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