Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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