party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
