Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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