omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
