Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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