How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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