As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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