every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
