maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
