my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
