just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
