dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize