All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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