I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
