Everything about him screamed your future.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
