how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
zippers are such a cool invention
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
