remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
