took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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