HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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