I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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