So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
