Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
