Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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